Well, did you manage to stay up late enough to watch the new Doctor Who? It was only on at 7.00pm last night, but when the clocks go forward and we have to be up at what our bodies still think is 4.00am, 7.00pm may have seemed a bit risky!

There is something about sleep deprivation that affects our perception of things. Add to that grief or an emotional battering and we’re not going to be at our best. I remember, nearly 20 years ago now, coming off a night shift with the Samaritans to find that someone had attached a bolt to the back of my car. I went to the local police station and report this bizarre act of vandalism. I don’t know what the desk officer made of it, but he took one look at the car and said, “Someone has taken your rear wiper sir”. Time to go to bed I thought as I slid away.

So, probably suffering from sleep deprivation, certainly overwhelmed with grief and in the very early hours of the morning, while it is still dark, Mary is at a loss. She finds herself, almost sleep walking, going to the only place that makes any sense in this complete nonsense of a wonderful man, whom she loved with all her heart, having just been executed.

“Was it a dream? Perhaps it is all a dream? Yes, it’s not real. I’ll go and find him there... I don’t know… perhaps I’ll just go there! Well, I’ll take the spices to anoint him. We didn’t have time a few days ago, so we’ve not done everything we needed to do.”

Ignoring the warning of Martha when her brother Lazarus had been in the grave a few days, that there will be an odour, that anointing his body is not going to be pleasant, Mary takes what she needs and goes. Perhaps it is not that she ignored these words, they are just not in her head. She is not sure how she will role back the stone, but that is not the point, she just has to go there and sit outside until someone else comes, or just sit there. These are the clues that she is not thinking straight, clouded by grief and lack of sleep.

Horror of horrors! The stone has already been moved. She jumps to the first conclusion that she can think of - the obvious one: grave robbers. “They couldn’t even let him rest in peace.”

She runs to the other disciples and is hysterical. They only catch a few words on her breathless speech. “The body… Jesus… tomb… stone moved… come… now!” Two of them catch on quick. Peter and John run like they have never run before. John is quicker. They get to the tomb and stand looking in amazement. It is impetuous Peter who dares to peek inside. He sees the grave clothes lying neatly folded and deduces straight away that this is not the work of grave robbers. Something strange has happened. It is the other disciple, John, who goes straight to belief!

But Mary stays there weeping. Dead men do not get up, however wonderful they may have been. The dead remain dead. She cries.

In the haze of her tears she sees someone moving, can’t think who else would be about at this hour, so assumes it is the gardener. Again her words are difficult to catch through the sobs and sniffs of grief and heart break. “Sir… body… gone… taken him… where… want him back…”

The only sound that can cut through this is the sound of her name being used by Jesus; the intimacy of hearing him call her. This time she is like a rocket lit on bonfire night. There is no warning; she just launches herself at him. Two days of sleep deprivation, unspeakable grief and the horror of a robbed tomb just explode inside her and the next thing she knows she is hanging round Jesus’ neck!

Nothing makes sense at the moment. How can it? It takes the disciples 50 days to get their heads round it - it is not until the day of Pentecost, with the gift of the Spirit that they are able to proclaim from the housetops all that has taken place.

In all of this, no one actually sees the resurrection itself. No matter how early Mary gets up, she does not see the resurrection. This takes place in the silence of the night, when all lay still and the grave seemed cold and lifeless. Then radiant love broke free and raised Jesus. God does this while everyone is looking else where, pre-occupied with their grief and sadness. In the depths of all this darkness, life bursts the shroud of death.

It is in the darkest moments that resurrection takes place; when we are unable to see it. What we do is discover it and find that it has happened or been happening. Then dawn breaks and we enter the new day, with the spring freshness in the air. Breathe it in and rejoice!

Whatever your darkness, whenever you have faced it, you will find that the resurrection took place before you were aware of it. God is there before us and is working new life before we believe he can! No matter how early we can get up or start looking, God will pre-empt and precede us. New life does come, for

Alleluia! Christ is risen.
He is risen indeed. Alleluia!

© Ian Black 2005

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